Christmas Wrapped

Okay, so I’m not a clinical agoraphobe; I just play one on TV. But the “older” I get (I’ll be forty this year), the less tolerant I am of crowds, lines, and trying to weave a shopping cart around a store packed with people. Living in the country for over a decade has probably only exacerbated my inability to psychologically handle retail crowds, so each Christmas I have to really plan carefully to avoid having a total meltdown. Because a total meltdown, for me, results not in my making a scene or crying in the middle of a retail establishment (though wouldn’t that be funny!), but leaving my cart at the end of Aisle Nine and abandoning ship, totally empty-handed. Don’t laugh—it’s happened before. More than once.

I live an hour and a half from Christmas shopping, so I’m not able to “run out and do a little” when the time is right. As such, I set aside two days—one in October, one in November—when I rise very, very early and drive to the big city, arriving at the stores as early as I can. In some cases, if it’s a large store that’s open 24 hours, I’m not afraid to start shopping before 6:00 a.m. If they open at 7:00, I’m right there by the door. If it’s a high-end store that doesn’t open ‘til 10:00, my nose is pressed against the window at 9:58, just in case the manager’s clock is two minutes fast. I want in that door the second the store opens for business!

Early morning shopping is blissful: You can pick up coffee on the way, and sip it as you shop. The employees of the store have puffy eyes, but a nice early-morning spring to their step. Any shoppers—if any—that are in the store are in exercise gear and have their hair in ponytails or under baseball caps, and everyone has that just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-splashed-water-on-my-face dewiness about them. Plus, there’s a curious camaraderie among shoppers who will arrive at a store just after sunlight; I swear, fellow shoppers and I have exchanged knowing winks before.

But most of all, the shopping itself is a complete pleasure. There’s no negotiating the aisles, trying to avoid running over anyone’s heels. You can browse every aisle in the store, unhurried, if you want, carefully considering everyone on your Christmas list and putting all the thought you need into each and every purchase.

And finally, when you see the growing stream of shoppers trickling into the store just as you’re wheeling your sacks full of presents to the car, you can sigh happily. The day hasn’t even really begun, and you’ve just taken a huge bite out of your Christmas list. And you can even go pick up another cappuccino on your way home.

Talk about beating the system.

I’ve been steadily doing my Christmas shopping, and am happy with some little nuggets I’ve found while shopping online. My list is slowly dwindling, and I’m feeling the nice holiday buzz that comes from knowing I won’t have to rush around like a madwoman for the next 30 days.

My boy loves sharks and is obsessed with Jaws, which makes perfect sense on a cattle ranch, don’t you think? He’s going to love this shark-themed “archeological” dig, which will eventually unearth a huge shark jaw and make a total mess of my kitchen floor…but who’s counting?

Oh, man. Can anyone guess who this is? It’s Goliath, which my baby (well, he’s four) is going to love since he’s seriously obsessed with the David and Goliath tale from the big book. An old testament action figure? How cool is THAT? But…is Goliath actually…smiling? He never struck me as the smiling type.

My nine-year-old daughter is neat, tidy, and loves nothing more than to have a project that requires her to use her hands in some creative way. She also meticulously marks days off the This scrapbooking kit will allow her to create her own 18-month calendar. This’ll keep her out of trouble for at least a couple of weeks!

Finally, for my oldest child, my firstborn, my eleven-year-old girl, who’s not only 5’6” and already wears a larger shoe size than me, but who’s also gone from pink-loving little girl to discriminating sophisticate (well, sorta) overnight, there’s this awesome bedding:

How awesome can bedding get, I ask you?

I’m thinking I could do all the kids’ bedrooms in this theme.

Think my boys would go for it?

Nah. I didn’t think so.

This year we’re going to try something different for a change and simplify everything for Christmas. This means I’ll give Jon a list of cute accessories, and he’ll give me his list of gadgets that I will point out we don’t need.

I figure if I give him my list before Thanksgiving, he can capitalize on the sales, which will be more important this year than in years past.

A few of the items (I hope you read this, Jon):

Isaac Mizrahi for Target Computer Tote:

Bedding (because I’m pregnant and tired, and we all know how much I like to nap):

A maternity cocktail dress for New Year’s Eve:

A pair of new sneakers to make room for my swollen ankles:

And a pair of stylish sweat pants that won’t show just how many bags of chips I’ve been eating:

Because my life is so arduous, I spend lots of time working in my pajamas. Unfortunately, if you spend too many workdays in maternity-stretched yoga pants, it begins to erode your self-esteem. Hence, I’ve become slightly obsessed with sleepwear.

A new pair of jammies makes me feel shiny and new, and I’d love to have a different robe for every day of the week. Maybe it’s because my always mom used to buy us new pajamas to wear on Christmas Eve — most excellent tradition on record.

If you’d like to play along, here are some of Targets best pajama options for the whole team:

Owls Pajama Set

$13

(A matching set for mom too.)

Satin PJ Set Sock Monkey

$15

Flannel PJ Set, Green Cowboy

$15

Superman Pajama Set

$13

Flannel Sleep Pant

$15

Flannel Pajamas, Navy Plaid

$15

Footie PJ’s, Sock Monkey

$25

Long-Sleeve Union Suit

$20

I’ve known my husband for over a decade, but he’s still a huge challenge to shop for because he wants things that are expensive (new computer, perhaps a hybrid crossover vehicle) or outside the realm that I am comfortable buying. Like this one from his list the past three years: THX certified receiver/amp.

In years past I’ve purchased clothing for him, and this has been met with varying degrees of success. This year, he swears he’s submitting a list, but I’m not holding my breath. Last year’s list included a $1.2 million dollar dream car. I’m still bitter about that one.

It’s not just my husband who is difficult. I have a father and a step-father to consider. There are only so many Clint Eastwood movies to give them, so I usually opt for a gift card.

This year I’m planning on buying gadgets exclusively for my husband because these items always elicit a giddy response. For instance, I’m considering this handsfree bluetooth speaker that will help him comply with all hands-free driving laws:

While searching for that I found several other things my little gadget freak might enjoy. Like this cute USB hub:

This past summer he tried to be a better grill master, and since he was always taking his phone out to time his turns of the meat, I’m thinking this might be more helpful than getting his greasy hands on his phone:

The final gift that I’d like to get would be this dog tracking GPS: