Christmas Wrapped

Save money and time, all while simplifying the season.

How to ratchet down holiday gift-giving stress

Posted by Asha Dornfest | November 12, 2008

I’ve never understood why, for so many, holiday gift-giving is the stressful, bank-account-emptying task it is. It’s a pleasure to give gifts. Why then is Christmas shopping so fraught with tension?

If I sound like an insufferable Pollyanna, I apologize. Perhaps it’s not fair for me ponder as I’m a celebrator of Hanukkah. While my family gets plenty gifty during this time of year (and we even hang stockings and invite Santa to visit), we only give presents to immediate family. We don’t engage in the popular Christmas practice (among a few of my friends at least) of giving gifts to everyone.

To me, the first line of holiday anxiety defense is to drastically pare down the gift list. It works in everyone’s favor: you save money, time, and sanity, and your friends and family suffer fewer awkward but-I-didn’t-get-you-a-gift moments. And you know what? They secretly want to get off the runaway gift-giving train, too.

Next, I try to pick up gifts as I see them, then “shop” my closet when the holidays arrive. I mentally record my kids’ pleas of “I love that!” and “Can I pleeeeease have it?” (My reply of “Add it to your wish list” mysteriously satisfies them. I think it’s more about being heard than actually getting the toy.) Later, when I have some time to myself, I pick up a couple of their “wish list” items and stash them in my office closet. This, more than anything else I do, simplifies gift-giving because I can sit back, smugly admiring my cache of presents, while I watch the crowds of holiday shoppers from afar.

Of course, this makes me looks a lot more together than I actually am. I’ve forgotten about presents hidden in the recesses of my closet, and I inevitably neglect someone and have to rush out into the dark of night for a gift. This year, I’ve scheduled BUY LAST-MINUTE PRESENTS in my calendar on December 1. That way, I can still avoid the worst of the holiday crowds or score Amazon’s free shipping with plenty of time to spare for wrapping.

Like it. Do you?

Comments

1 November 13th, 2008 | lisabee says:

how big is your family? we do “family only,” too, but i have two parents, two stepparents, two brothers, two sisters-in-law, two nephews, two parents-in-law, an aunt-in-law who attends every gathering and gives us all gifts, two brothers-in-law, and two nieces.

and that’s not even including the four stepsiblings, their spouses, and their bazillion children on one side of the family!

i’ve tried many years to derail the gift train on my side of the family, but it has never worked. i gave up. i do love giving gifts, and i guess they do, too. in a way, i add to my own stress by wanting to handknit as many gifts as i can, and of course there’s just never time to make it all. for my own sanity, i try to deemphasize giving at one time of year and give year-round instead when i can. that’s the best way–aside from online shopping–to reduce my stress about gifts. my holiday stress is actually usually more about travel, cleaning, cooking, seeing people who may or may not stress me out, and juggling it all with a life that marches on whether it’s a holiday or not!
2 November 13th, 2008 | Asha {Parent Hacks} says:

Lisabee: I do indeed have a small family. But we solved the extended family gift situation by drawing names at Thanksgiving for a gift exchange later on.

If you and your family enjoy giving gifts, you can afford it, and it doesn’t add too much stress to the holiday season, gift away! I, too, love to give gifts, but I don’t love the obligation to check names off of a list.

Handmade gifts are the best! Bravo — I’m sure your family loves them.
3 November 21st, 2008 | Christy says:

I have a large family as well, as does my husband, plus several give-gifts-to-everyone type friends. One of the things that has helped me pare down the excessively long gift list is to remember that just because someone gives me a gift does not mean I have to give them one. What I do give is my heartfelt thanks, both verbal when I can and in writing. They’ll remember and enjoy a warm thank you note a lot more than some random scented candle that I pick up so I’ll have something to give them too.

We also draw names, and we usually pool money with our siblings to buy one gift for our parents that we know they’ll actually use. An idea for the kids that we have done (and will do this year) is make each one a cookie-mix-in-a-jar that they can make with their parents or with us. It’s low cost, low waste (they can reuse/recycle the jars and there’s no other packaging), and what kid doesn’t enjoy baking cookies?
4 November 22nd, 2008 | make art every day says:

lisabee, i feel your pain! my dad has been married three times - to my mom, my first stepmother (who is the mother of his other children and whom i’m still close to) and his current wife. my mom had two children with her second husband. although i have five siblings, we can’t really draw names because they aren’t related to each other.

we have cut back by only buying for siblings’ kids and everyone seems to appreciate that. and my husband’s family initiated a discussion asking to cut back — we approved and offered the option of homemade. like having my FIL write down stories from his childhood. to me, that’s a much better gift than something picked up at a store.

good luck with your celebration.